dismissive missives from an unquiet mind

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i reject that notion

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“I reject that notion.”

“You reject it?”

“Wholeheartedly.”

“So you don’t see yourself as a person who sees the glass half-full?”

“Well, no I don’t. But what I meant was not only that I reject the insinuation that I’m a pessimist, but I reject the entire premise of the analogy.”

“You don’t think you’re pessimistic? Not at all?”

“No, I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist.”

“A realist? Hmm… and you have a problem with the idea that someone can be judged as an optimist or a pessimist by whether they see a glass as half-full or half-empty?”

“Well beyond the fact that it’s rather simplistic, I really don’t even think that the concept holds up to the least amount of scrutiny.”

“You don’t think it holds…water?”

“Cute.”

“I’m just saying…”

“Your clever play on words aside, no I don’t think the glass half-full/half empty concept holds water.”

“And how is that?”

“Well think about it. A glass at fifty percent capacity does not exist in a vacuum. If anything a glass spends the majority of its life devoid of contents. So if that’s the case, a glass’s natural state is to be empty, correct?”

“I suppose so.”

“So if a glass’s natural state is when it is empty, then anything added to it would mean you were filling it, right? In other words adding something to the empty glass would make it more full, not less empty, correct?”

“I guess so.”

“The only way I would consider it any different would be if maybe I had a glass or some other container that was full already. As this container emptied from its full state I think it would then be considered to half-empty because it started as full and is becoming empty.”

“Okay, that makes sense I guess. The half-glass depends on what it was before. Usually a glass is empty and anything added makes it more full, yet if it is already full and it loses some of its contents it’s becoming more empty.”

“Right, but really that’s all beside the point. Whether a person judges a glass as half full or empty really has no bearing on the optimism or pessimism of their nature. Rather it’s more a gauge of how presumptuous a person is. When presented with half of a glass of something they place their own judgment upon what the glass should be to them rather than considering the glass’s natural state.”

“Hmm…I suppose you may have a point. I never really considered it before I guess.”

“Precisely, you never really considered it before because it is a societal norm for everyone to accept the shorthand idea that a person judging a glass as half-full is a positive person who is thankful for what they have and that a person judging a glass as half-empty is a negative person who only sees what they don’t have. Optimist or pessimist based strictly on a flawed concept.”

“Yeah I guess if you really think about it, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. If someone eats a bunch of peanut butter at my house, I think of the jar as half empty. If I’ve turned on the faucet to do the dishes, the sink is half full of water.”

“Exactly. But how are you being negative for acknowledging that half of your peanut butter is gone? How are you being positive by recognizing that your sink is filled halfway? Simply, you aren’t. No judgment regarding the positivity or negativity of your nature can be gleaned from such an empty comparison.”

“Yeah, I guess you have a pretty good point.”

“Of course I do. And that’s just one example. There are multiple examples of these societal norms that we just accept en mass everyday that stem from the presumptuous nature of others. Take the toilet seat for example?”

“The toilet seat?”

“Yeah. How many times have you seen a sitcom or a comedienne or heard a joke or read a story that makes some reference to man’s inability to put down the toilet seat? It’s an easy joke, a cliché, a stereotype that society in general accepts as God’s honest truth.”

“Aren’t you an atheist?”

“That’s not the point. The point is men in general are chastised and ridiculed by some supposed slight on general decency because of some supposed inability to put down the toilet seat after taking a piss.”

“So you’re trying to argue that this doesn’t happen?”

“No, not at all. It does happen, and it probably happens a lot. The point is that women are just as guilty if not more so for this transgression but for some reason men are the only ones being crucified for it.”

“Wait, what women are leaving the toilet seat up?”

“It’s not the toilet seat women are leaving up, but the lid.”

“The lid?”

“Yes, the lid. Think about it. How is leaving the seat up any worse than leaving the seat down but the lid up? Simple, one slightly inconveniences men if they need to urinate, and one slightly inconveniences women should they need to use the toilet. Where is the middle ground? And who really wants to see an open toilet anyway? The lid is there for a reason, to be closed. Yet women in their presumptuousness would have you believe that the natural state of a toilet is to have the lid up and the seat down, eagerly awaiting their delicate asses like some tiny porcelain throne.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? Men are pretty consistently ridiculed for this supposed social faux pas, yet women have successfully passed on their equally insensitive act of rudeness as a societal norm.”

“That’s incredible.”

“I know, and no one seems to even realize it.”

“Yeah, I’m not agreeing with you. I’m just in awe at how much vitriol you have in your concern over the nature of toilet seat lid positions.”

“I’m talking about blind sheep following gender propaganda.”

“I think you’re just revealing yourself as a closet misogynist.”

“I reject that notion.”

“You reject it?”

“Wholeheartedly.”

 

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